hi to anyone who reads my blog, which i doubt any one reads, but i am still gonna write...i haven´t written much, i just have been feeling down lately...too much work..too much stress...too much frustration..i don´t know, but just feel like throwing the towel and just leave and forget about many things..like my life...
One I finally got a boyfriend who I thought was great, who I believed when he told me he loved and wanted to spent the rest of his life right beside me..who i believed when he told me he wanted to start a family together..then one day he sends me a message saying.."i Don´t want to be your boyfriend, sorry if i hurt your feelings, i hope you can forgive me" My heart just sank, i cried when i saw that message, i feel hurt, heart broken, angery..I truly fell for this guy and he just proved to me what i always have though, "men just wanna use you, then throw you awaya like a dirty old rage" Sorry if i offend any one out there, but many men in my life have disappointed me, that includes my father and my brother..
Two, i have had so much work at work..i am so tired of having to in almost everyday a 8am to 7pm shift is just so exhausting for, then having to go home, deal with my brother and do hause work..Many people tell me, "but your young you shouldn´t be tired or exhausted" but many people don´t know that i have been doing house work ever since i was like 10, looking after my 5 brothers and sisters, making sure things and the hosue were always in order..i´ve been working at the same job for almost 9years..Don´t get me wrong, i am comfortable where i work, i just feel like i need to go some for al least a whole week where i have noone that bothers me, no work, no house cleaning, no cooking, no laundry..some where where i would get attended and served at for one whole week..
Third, the city i am living in is getting worst to live in..people getting shot, getting kiddnapped, people being robbed,,i am so scared of going out of the house, theres not a day that passes by that i don´t pray to god to keeps all safe from all this drug war going on here..i fear for my own life..
Fourth, I miss my younger sibilings, who live in the USA, I wish we were together like old times, but for a reason that i hope some day i´ll know, God has seperated us from each other. I still have that faith and hope that one day we will be together again.
I know i shouldn´t complain, i know that i am so lucky to be alive, believe me, since the day i was born Jan.-09-1985 drs. told my parents i wouldn´t survive, cause i was born premature and had a hole in my heart...at 14yrs of age i was shot in the head and by the grace if God nothing bad happened to me, i was out of the hospital in three days..i know i am so blessed to be here today..i know there are many unfortunte people out there that are in worst conditions..i just feel in times that i am slipping away from my goles in life, from my family..I just Pray each and everyday For GOd to help me in each and every way he can..I know this is a journey he has chosen for me, I just wish i could see way...
on another note..wow..New Kids on The BLock..wow..love their music..gotta admit that when i heard they were getting back together, I was like, why now after so many years..can´t really say i had heard their music before. I was 3 in 1988, and in 1994 i was so hooked on the Backstreet Boys, even though they weren´t so famous just yet, a friend said she heard a group in orlando and that they were cute and good singers..so thats when i fell in love with BSB..i have been a fan since then..i remember my sisters and other friends saying that N´SYNC was better, but till today BSB is still here and are still singing. I am still a huge fan..well getting back on course..i heard that there was a summer tour coming up in 2011 with BSB and NKOTB..and i was shocked..shocked like WOW..i just couldn´t believe it..i starting searching on the web about how it all came together and wow, just makes me wish i still lived in the USA..I also searched NKOTB music and wow, i have fallen in love with the music..and With Jon and DOnnie, wow..if I would of heard their music before, i am sure i would of fallen in live a long time ago. and their music actually makes me fell better, i mean when i feel like crap all i do is i turn my ipod on and listen to their music or i search videos and watch how great they perform and how grateful they are with their fans..how they make people laugh. its great to know that there are people like them out there..just the other day i was not feeling too happy i was anger at certain things and people so then i got on my computer went to my twitter account and saw Donnies twitter post "Today! Is one day- Make it through! Push through! Fight through! Find a way to smile. To laugh. To celebrate. To breathe. To keep on going!
at first i was like, yeah really? smile for what, laugh for what, celebrate what, to breathe and keep going, why, what for..i honestly was just not feeling that post. then i kept going down in all his post and say another one, that i can´t really rememeber how it went, but it was something like you can´t control everything...it took me about 10 minutes to stop being angery and frustrated and just though to myself..he´s right i gotta stop trying to control what happens around me, live today, have fun today, enjoy the moments..so right then that instant i put NKOTB music on and just laid on me bed and just starting thinking in things that i am grateful for..yeah i do have my moments where i just wanna lock myself in a closet and cry to myself..but i shouldn´t and i won´t. I cant let anyone or anything destroy my own happiness..i have put in my goles to one day if God grants me the will, I would love to meet Donnie and of Course the rest of the NKOTB and that him for these words of wisdom..and for his bubbletweets, they sure do make my day..they are so funny. I would love to go someday to a concert and fell like a teenager again.. I wish them the best for all that they do..Love them all..but I am still a huge fan of BSB..
wow i wasn´t thinking of writing too much :) well i am just gonna post this..hoping that tomorrow will be a great day..hoping i don´t stop posting here, just in case somebody does read my blog..see you all later. God bless you all.
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