Hello, to any reader out there, well things with my Aunt to pretty much the same, she is still at her house, she still needs oxigen all the time..well i believe God has given her another chance to ask him for forgiveness and to accept him in her life, i sure do hope that one day she willaccept him into her life..
Things with me are pretty much the same,except for the fact that i have been drinking a lot, more then usual. Don't really know why i do it, i just like the way it makes me feel, i forget about all the frustration and anger and saddness i have in my life..i know its wrong for me to be drinking like that, but once i start i really can't stop myself from drinking..i just hope one day i don't end up doing something stupid..
My brother went to drink on Saturday with my ex-boyfriend and another co-woker..he ended up at home at around 4:00am..the next day he didn't want to know anything about drinking :) I did hate the fact that he went with Jaime (my ex) but they are friends i can't really tell him not to hang out with him..another thing that i hated was that Jaime texted me saying not to worry about my brother that they are at their house drinking..come on please, i don't really worry about him..i didin't answer him..then around 12am he called my phine and just hung up, then about 1am he called again to my phone and just hung up..so i just turned my phone off so he wouldn't be bothering me anymore..I loved him, but he was just playing around with me and my feelings, so i told him not to call me or text me, much less talk to me if it wasn't necessary...so i have been ignoring him completely..it hurts me to do this but, i can't be with someone who doesn't take me serioulsy..i rather just stay alone then be with someone who doesn't love me..i have always told myself, God is the first man in my life, he is the only one that I need..if God wants to give a good husband some day, then i will accept him..
Things here in our city haven't gotten any worst, no gun shots have been heard in a while, hopefully things stay the way they are right now..this city is calm right now..Sometimes i am still afraid of going out at nights, but we can't always be living with fear all our lifes..thats something i really need to tae in myself :)
well i gotta get back to work..well its not like i am working very hard :)See you all later, God bless you all
Time is 4:44pm
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Great News! God is Great
Sorry, i ahven't written, i am just so exhausted :) so as my title says God is Great. My aunt got well enough to be discharged, she is at home. All the family is so happy she is still here with us. I am very happy that God has given us another oportunity to be with her. I have never been so scared and sad about having to lose someone so close to me. Its something that i know i will never be prepared to go through. And now more than ever i Have a strong faith in God. I have seen his great works. And I am so thankful, that i got to chance to see this great miracle, when doctors told us she wasn't gonna live and here she is, the only doctor that can decide who lives or doesn't live is our Might God.
Out of all this i have also learned that we have a great family, family that was always there at the hospital day and night..of course some people didn't show up, like my dad and brother, with who i am so angry at right now, but that was their decision. I am so lucky and thankful that i was born to this family. I am so grateful to God for all this that he has given me. I know sometimes i get angry and wish to be somewhere else, or wish certain things never happened in my life, but if those certain things wouldn't of happpeened then i wouldn't of had this experience. Now more than ever I am so grateful for the life I have.
Its so weird how things turn out to be. God has his ways of showing each and everyone of us his miracle and his journey for us. We have it right i front of our eyes we just choose not to search for it. Without God we are nothing. Well thats my opinion. I know he is always here with us in the good and in the bad times. I used to be stubburned about GOd, i used to say i hated him, or i hated the life he has given me. That he never listens, but this past week has really changed my way of believing in him. I know things are never gonna be the way i want them to be, i know that to find the journey, the path that God has chosen for us, I have to search for him first, I need to put my life in his hands and keep my faith in him, no matter what happens in the future. Thank you Jesus for everythiing you have given me, for this past week that you have put in my journey. I hope to one day be a faithful Christian and have you always in my heart.
Well i gotta go cause i am at work :) taking advantage of the computer now that the boss isn't here :) see you all later, bye. God bless you all!
Monday July 18th 2011 4:45pm
Out of all this i have also learned that we have a great family, family that was always there at the hospital day and night..of course some people didn't show up, like my dad and brother, with who i am so angry at right now, but that was their decision. I am so lucky and thankful that i was born to this family. I am so grateful to God for all this that he has given me. I know sometimes i get angry and wish to be somewhere else, or wish certain things never happened in my life, but if those certain things wouldn't of happpeened then i wouldn't of had this experience. Now more than ever I am so grateful for the life I have.
Its so weird how things turn out to be. God has his ways of showing each and everyone of us his miracle and his journey for us. We have it right i front of our eyes we just choose not to search for it. Without God we are nothing. Well thats my opinion. I know he is always here with us in the good and in the bad times. I used to be stubburned about GOd, i used to say i hated him, or i hated the life he has given me. That he never listens, but this past week has really changed my way of believing in him. I know things are never gonna be the way i want them to be, i know that to find the journey, the path that God has chosen for us, I have to search for him first, I need to put my life in his hands and keep my faith in him, no matter what happens in the future. Thank you Jesus for everythiing you have given me, for this past week that you have put in my journey. I hope to one day be a faithful Christian and have you always in my heart.
Well i gotta go cause i am at work :) taking advantage of the computer now that the boss isn't here :) see you all later, bye. God bless you all!
Monday July 18th 2011 4:45pm
Friday, July 15, 2011
Update
Well my aunt is still in the hospital, she has had problems with her blood presure all day long..she hasn´t had any good change at all..Nancy (my cousin, my aunts oldest daughter) says that she was weak all day today..I will keep praying for her..
Chela hasn´t gotten here (my aunts second oldest). she should arrive tomorrow in the morning. I just want her to have the opurtunity to see her mother before she gets worst...
My father hasnt called me in the past 6 months, he hasn´t even come to vist aunt carmen or his brother, Tio paco (my aunts husband)..Tio paco asked about him and he seemed mad cause he hasn´t even called to askk about her..dad can´t say he didn´t know cause tia pera is leaving with him and she came as soon as she knew about aunt carmela..Sometimes, well most of the times i sure do hate dad..he just keeps screwing things up..o well didn´t expect any more from him..
well over all thats all i have to say for today i am so tired and need to get some rest..Hope you all have a great night sleep..God bless you all.
Tme:1:25am
Chela hasn´t gotten here (my aunts second oldest). she should arrive tomorrow in the morning. I just want her to have the opurtunity to see her mother before she gets worst...
My father hasnt called me in the past 6 months, he hasn´t even come to vist aunt carmen or his brother, Tio paco (my aunts husband)..Tio paco asked about him and he seemed mad cause he hasn´t even called to askk about her..dad can´t say he didn´t know cause tia pera is leaving with him and she came as soon as she knew about aunt carmela..Sometimes, well most of the times i sure do hate dad..he just keeps screwing things up..o well didn´t expect any more from him..
well over all thats all i have to say for today i am so tired and need to get some rest..Hope you all have a great night sleep..God bless you all.
Tme:1:25am
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Whats up with the Time on Blogger
I´ve just noticed that the post i just posted the time says 11:30ish but its actually 1:41am..does any one know how i can correct the time?????
Update on My Tia Carmela
Well hello, i spent all day thinking of my aunt, its hard to be waiting for bad news...i really wish i could sy that she is getting better, but ican´t. She has gotten worst, but in some way i believe she has accepted what is going on, she´s so calm..
Today her son, only son and baby of the family, went to see her in her room, he hadn´t gone cuase he didn´t want to see her like that..but he got the courage and went in, he apologized for ll the wrong he has to her and the everyone else..he cried, which for me is great, cause he felt better doing it, he gave her a great hug and told her he loved her. i am so proud of him, and so happy that he did went to see her..God help Javier in all that he is going through..
We also got news that Chela, tia carmelas 2nd oldest daughter is coming home, she arrives in Mcallen tomorrow and should be here in the afternoon, i am also proud that she has made the desicion to come see her momo before its too late..of course everyone here says that they are gonna need to prepare her for what she is gonna see, cause tia carmela doesn´t look like the foto i posted here last week or the week before, not sure when i posted it, but she needs to be prepared cause she can´t be crying in the room, cause it could just make tia carmela feel worse..
Grandma says that thats probably what tia carmela is waiting for, that she will see, well not see but have the presences of her daughter, who has live in the usa for almost 10 years without visting her..the little strenght she has left she is holding on to it to be able to have her aughter there with her...
One thing i am really angry about is that tia carmelas other daughter isn´t coming..i think she is being an asshole...please your mother is dieing, come and see her one last time before she dies..even if it means not going back to the usa..but hopefully she won´t regret the desicion is has made..i´ll be praying for her..
well i am going to bed, haven´t slepted much this past few days..Lord help us each and everyday..thank you for all the blessings you have given us..see you guys tomorrow. bye
Today her son, only son and baby of the family, went to see her in her room, he hadn´t gone cuase he didn´t want to see her like that..but he got the courage and went in, he apologized for ll the wrong he has to her and the everyone else..he cried, which for me is great, cause he felt better doing it, he gave her a great hug and told her he loved her. i am so proud of him, and so happy that he did went to see her..God help Javier in all that he is going through..
We also got news that Chela, tia carmelas 2nd oldest daughter is coming home, she arrives in Mcallen tomorrow and should be here in the afternoon, i am also proud that she has made the desicion to come see her momo before its too late..of course everyone here says that they are gonna need to prepare her for what she is gonna see, cause tia carmela doesn´t look like the foto i posted here last week or the week before, not sure when i posted it, but she needs to be prepared cause she can´t be crying in the room, cause it could just make tia carmela feel worse..
Grandma says that thats probably what tia carmela is waiting for, that she will see, well not see but have the presences of her daughter, who has live in the usa for almost 10 years without visting her..the little strenght she has left she is holding on to it to be able to have her aughter there with her...
One thing i am really angry about is that tia carmelas other daughter isn´t coming..i think she is being an asshole...please your mother is dieing, come and see her one last time before she dies..even if it means not going back to the usa..but hopefully she won´t regret the desicion is has made..i´ll be praying for her..
well i am going to bed, haven´t slepted much this past few days..Lord help us each and everyday..thank you for all the blessings you have given us..see you guys tomorrow. bye
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Not so great news
well today i found out my aunt carmela is back at the hospital..things are worst this time..i went to go vist after work and man, just breaks my heart to see such a great woman so bad like she is right..she has diabetes..
The drs. had to give her blood, cause she doesn´t have any blood in her, she has more water then blood...her daughter said that she is saying that she feels like she is leaving us all already..that just broke my heart..
i feel angry cause she has 2 daughters who she wanted to see so bad, but they are living ileagally in the USA and they didn´t come when she could see..one of the aughters says she is gonna come already, that is has her bags made and she is ready to come..i just hope she comes before her mother dies...the other daughter syas she doesn´t wanna come cause she won´t be able to go back...i mean please..shes ur mother you have to see her now that she is alive...whats the point in coming when she dies...
Her borther and sister told them that if they don´t come now that she is alive, then they better not come crying when she is died..its kinda of harsh, but i feel the same..
i just pray that God helps us understand this jounry he has given us..help us in this harsh times we are living..help us all in all our struggles..i sometimes feel like i am loosing faith, but i know deep down someday he will tell us or show us why he has put this struggles in our lifes..
Lord help me not lose my faith, help me understand all this, help in my daily struggles..i have faith in you that this jounry you have given is for a porpuse to serve you and others..
For some reason i know she might now stay with us for so ling, but i just can´t or won´t accept it, i honestly have never lost someone so cloes to me, someone i loved so much, someone i consider a mother too..i just pray that if it comes to the her death, that i will be able to help others with their grief..
Well once again i ask prayers for all you guys, please pray for her health and her family.
God bless you, hope you all have a great night sleep. see you guys tomorrow.
The drs. had to give her blood, cause she doesn´t have any blood in her, she has more water then blood...her daughter said that she is saying that she feels like she is leaving us all already..that just broke my heart..
i feel angry cause she has 2 daughters who she wanted to see so bad, but they are living ileagally in the USA and they didn´t come when she could see..one of the aughters says she is gonna come already, that is has her bags made and she is ready to come..i just hope she comes before her mother dies...the other daughter syas she doesn´t wanna come cause she won´t be able to go back...i mean please..shes ur mother you have to see her now that she is alive...whats the point in coming when she dies...
Her borther and sister told them that if they don´t come now that she is alive, then they better not come crying when she is died..its kinda of harsh, but i feel the same..
i just pray that God helps us understand this jounry he has given us..help us in this harsh times we are living..help us all in all our struggles..i sometimes feel like i am loosing faith, but i know deep down someday he will tell us or show us why he has put this struggles in our lifes..
Lord help me not lose my faith, help me understand all this, help in my daily struggles..i have faith in you that this jounry you have given is for a porpuse to serve you and others..
For some reason i know she might now stay with us for so ling, but i just can´t or won´t accept it, i honestly have never lost someone so cloes to me, someone i loved so much, someone i consider a mother too..i just pray that if it comes to the her death, that i will be able to help others with their grief..
Well once again i ask prayers for all you guys, please pray for her health and her family.
God bless you, hope you all have a great night sleep. see you guys tomorrow.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sunday!!!!
wow, so an update on my aunt, she is doing fine..she got discharged from the hospital on Saturday, she is back at her house..doctor says she needs lots of care..i´m just happy to know she is back home..
On saturday, i went to work and saw that someone broke in the store during the night and stole the money from what got sold on Friday...it just makes me so angry, that people like me are getting robbed..we are not the first case here in our town..we may be like the 100th victams..suck to know that we worked our ass´s off to earn all that money..
The bussiness isn´t really going so well, and then having someone robb the store, just made things get worst..I told the boss he didn´t have to pay me that day, but he will need to pay me on monday..I just feel bad for him, and angry too..
I just pray and hope all this maddness going on here in Mexico stops, i hate having to live like this..hate watching the news everyday of people killing each other snd rbbing form each other and this stupid drug war going on..many people have gotten kiddnapped and killed for money..just really sucks..
In other news, well today we were suppose to go out to the Presa and have some drinks, but didn´t happen ause the jeep didn´t work..hopefully next sunday it works..
Not much has happened with me, just single, bored and frustrated with almost everything, wish i could go back in thime and change many things..but thats the weird thing, i don´t know excaly what i want to change..someone told me that i need to learn to live with the life i have been given..to stop complaining and believe i have tried, but each time something ggod happens to me, some just gets put in my way and i get dissapointed and just give up on everything...
In news about my ex..he sent me message saying he wants to talk..but honestly i don´t know what to do...i a wanna give him another chance, but i´ve already given him four chances..but i am just tired of being disapointed and let down.for me personally feels like he is just playing games with me ...and i would like to give him a chance, because i guess i have a soft side for him..but i don´t, i just don´t know...hopefully with time things will get better..
well i am gonna take a shower and see what i fine on internet to watch or do..hoping you all had a great weekend..you all later..God bless you all
On saturday, i went to work and saw that someone broke in the store during the night and stole the money from what got sold on Friday...it just makes me so angry, that people like me are getting robbed..we are not the first case here in our town..we may be like the 100th victams..suck to know that we worked our ass´s off to earn all that money..
The bussiness isn´t really going so well, and then having someone robb the store, just made things get worst..I told the boss he didn´t have to pay me that day, but he will need to pay me on monday..I just feel bad for him, and angry too..
I just pray and hope all this maddness going on here in Mexico stops, i hate having to live like this..hate watching the news everyday of people killing each other snd rbbing form each other and this stupid drug war going on..many people have gotten kiddnapped and killed for money..just really sucks..
In other news, well today we were suppose to go out to the Presa and have some drinks, but didn´t happen ause the jeep didn´t work..hopefully next sunday it works..
Not much has happened with me, just single, bored and frustrated with almost everything, wish i could go back in thime and change many things..but thats the weird thing, i don´t know excaly what i want to change..someone told me that i need to learn to live with the life i have been given..to stop complaining and believe i have tried, but each time something ggod happens to me, some just gets put in my way and i get dissapointed and just give up on everything...
In news about my ex..he sent me message saying he wants to talk..but honestly i don´t know what to do...i a wanna give him another chance, but i´ve already given him four chances..but i am just tired of being disapointed and let down.for me personally feels like he is just playing games with me ...and i would like to give him a chance, because i guess i have a soft side for him..but i don´t, i just don´t know...hopefully with time things will get better..
well i am gonna take a shower and see what i fine on internet to watch or do..hoping you all had a great weekend..you all later..God bless you all
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Update
well, my aunt is doing a little bit better, still not out of the woods...Drs. say that she has too much water in her lungs..she is breathing on her own..she has eaten only one meal today..thats all i know..
Its hard to say how i am feeling..She is a mother to me, well all my aunts and specially my grandmother are mothers to me..my own mother hasn{t been around as she should of been. and my step-mother..well she was there in my life from the age of 5 to the age of 14..then hell went loose and i had no mother..fortunantly for me my fathers side of the family took us in and took vcare of us..yeah no perfectly well as they should of but what counts is that they were there and have been there for me..and it just hurts to see some one i love so much go through this..i know someday she will leave us, cause of the sickness she has..she has been getting wosrt each year..but i am just not ready..how are we suppose to be ready for a death like this..i haven´t been through a death of a family member so close to me.
All i know is that God has his plan for each and everyone of us..I Know he will never abandon us, even when we loose faith in him..he will always and has always been here with us.
Lord i am asking for help, help my aunt, my family go through all this..Help me understand, help me keep my faith and hope..an most importantly help be a better person..
well i gotta go to bed, tomorrow got a long day a work..see you all later. God bess you all
Its hard to say how i am feeling..She is a mother to me, well all my aunts and specially my grandmother are mothers to me..my own mother hasn{t been around as she should of been. and my step-mother..well she was there in my life from the age of 5 to the age of 14..then hell went loose and i had no mother..fortunantly for me my fathers side of the family took us in and took vcare of us..yeah no perfectly well as they should of but what counts is that they were there and have been there for me..and it just hurts to see some one i love so much go through this..i know someday she will leave us, cause of the sickness she has..she has been getting wosrt each year..but i am just not ready..how are we suppose to be ready for a death like this..i haven´t been through a death of a family member so close to me.
All i know is that God has his plan for each and everyone of us..I Know he will never abandon us, even when we loose faith in him..he will always and has always been here with us.
Lord i am asking for help, help my aunt, my family go through all this..Help me understand, help me keep my faith and hope..an most importantly help be a better person..
well i gotta go to bed, tomorrow got a long day a work..see you all later. God bess you all
Prayer request
My aunt Carmela, has been sick for a while already, i don´t excally know what her sickness is..it has something to do with her blood presure..she has been getting worst throughout the last year..last night she was taken to the ER..she was very sick..
Please Lord don´t take her away from us just yet. Lord i cry out to you to heal her, bring her home to us...
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Happy Birthday to Nelson Joel
Joelin is walking already and driving us all crazy, he never wants to stay still, which is also fun to watch the way he explores this world. Thank You Lord once more for Nelson Joel. Happy 1st Birthday Joelin
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Exhausted :(
So, today started off. ok..got up a little later then usual..but i did also go to bed later, cause i was enjoying a couple of drinks of Buchananas with mineral water and lemon :) they were great..The day went just fine, Boss hasn´t gotten back from his vacations, hopefully he gets here already, i am tired of the employees, getting mad cause they think he is gonna pay me more for taking care of the store...but o´well its also frustating..after lunch time, while we were walking back to work, is started to get a headache, though it was cause of the sun..i though it would go away, but it didn´t..it didn´t hurt too much just a small pain..but it got worst while i was walking back home at 7:00pm..i took a pill about 2 hours ago, then pain has calmed, but i think its because i went to bed late and got up early..hopefully it goes away..
Not much happened today, just the normal shit that happens around here..i was readining about the Anthony Casey case (i thinks that the name of the Case, from florida) some mother killed her daughter, but the judge or jury gave her the verdict of not guilty, i don´t know if she did do it or not, but in my opinion i think she did, why would she of lied to the investagators about the little girl missing..Only God know what really happened, he is the only one that can make justice right...
last night i was watching videos of Tony Spallelli aka Donnie Wahlberg :) that guy is so funny..love watching those videos, they make me laugh really hard..makes me forget abouyt the daily problems and situations that i go through..hopefully he would upload more videos with Tony Spallelli..
well i gotta go, gonna watch a few videos before heading to bed..cause i feel so tired..see you all tomorrow. God bless you all..Sweet Dreams
Not much happened today, just the normal shit that happens around here..i was readining about the Anthony Casey case (i thinks that the name of the Case, from florida) some mother killed her daughter, but the judge or jury gave her the verdict of not guilty, i don´t know if she did do it or not, but in my opinion i think she did, why would she of lied to the investagators about the little girl missing..Only God know what really happened, he is the only one that can make justice right...
last night i was watching videos of Tony Spallelli aka Donnie Wahlberg :) that guy is so funny..love watching those videos, they make me laugh really hard..makes me forget abouyt the daily problems and situations that i go through..hopefully he would upload more videos with Tony Spallelli..
well i gotta go, gonna watch a few videos before heading to bed..cause i feel so tired..see you all tomorrow. God bless you all..Sweet Dreams
Monday, July 4, 2011
2 In the Morning from NKOTB
well, today started off fine..i was feeling ok, had my usual morning coffee with cocoa cookies, then left for work..but while i was sitting there at work with nothing to do, but check my Facebook account :) every 5 minutes.. I had my ipod on, listening to new kids on the block, then the song " in the morning came on...i just felt like crying, its not the forst time i listen to it, but it is the first time i actually pay attention to the lyrics and wow..it just remained me of my relationship with my ex-boyfriend...i guess thats why we broke it off, cause we didn´t have great comunication with each other..i wish we would of fixed things before they had gotten worst..now i don´t even wanna see him, i still have feelings for him, but not like i used to, when i feel in love with him. I do hate that we don´t speak to each other we can hardly even see each other without lashing out..I hate that he just talks without even knowing if things are true or not and just tries to give me jealousy..i used to get jealous before, but now i just tell him " i don´t care what you do with your life as long as it has nothing to do with me"..i do care, i do wish him the best for what ever relationship he has..
the other day he asked me if i could forgive him for what he did, even if we don´t get back together, i just told him NO, i have anger issues with him, i know i should forgive him, but i just hate him so bad, but i still love him at the same time...i don´t know excally what i am feeling or if i´m doing the right thing in ignorning him..he is the one that made the decision of us two not dating anymore or see each other...the worst part is that we have to see each other almost everyday cause we work together..my boss know about the situation he just told me to ignor him and with time things will work out, even if we are not together..i just hope they do work out soon..i hate having to live like this...
well in other news..things ta work went well, just that song that kept me from doing my work..just kept having my head in that song..i must of listend to that song for more then 50 times today..
Right now i am having myself a drink of Buchananas with mineral water..just felt like drinking today..i know i shouldn´t cause its barely monday, but what the hell, i really need a drink...
well hoping to keep writing in this blog... it´ll be like a small journal for me..well gotta finish my drink and watch
nkotb videos..they really make me smile, when i am feeling down..see ya all tomorrow.
the other day he asked me if i could forgive him for what he did, even if we don´t get back together, i just told him NO, i have anger issues with him, i know i should forgive him, but i just hate him so bad, but i still love him at the same time...i don´t know excally what i am feeling or if i´m doing the right thing in ignorning him..he is the one that made the decision of us two not dating anymore or see each other...the worst part is that we have to see each other almost everyday cause we work together..my boss know about the situation he just told me to ignor him and with time things will work out, even if we are not together..i just hope they do work out soon..i hate having to live like this...
well in other news..things ta work went well, just that song that kept me from doing my work..just kept having my head in that song..i must of listend to that song for more then 50 times today..
Right now i am having myself a drink of Buchananas with mineral water..just felt like drinking today..i know i shouldn´t cause its barely monday, but what the hell, i really need a drink...
well hoping to keep writing in this blog... it´ll be like a small journal for me..well gotta finish my drink and watch
nkotb videos..they really make me smile, when i am feeling down..see ya all tomorrow.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
wow just been a long time since i wrote...
hi to anyone who reads my blog, which i doubt any one reads, but i am still gonna write...i haven´t written much, i just have been feeling down lately...too much work..too much stress...too much frustration..i don´t know, but just feel like throwing the towel and just leave and forget about many things..like my life...
One I finally got a boyfriend who I thought was great, who I believed when he told me he loved and wanted to spent the rest of his life right beside me..who i believed when he told me he wanted to start a family together..then one day he sends me a message saying.."i Don´t want to be your boyfriend, sorry if i hurt your feelings, i hope you can forgive me" My heart just sank, i cried when i saw that message, i feel hurt, heart broken, angery..I truly fell for this guy and he just proved to me what i always have though, "men just wanna use you, then throw you awaya like a dirty old rage" Sorry if i offend any one out there, but many men in my life have disappointed me, that includes my father and my brother..
Two, i have had so much work at work..i am so tired of having to in almost everyday a 8am to 7pm shift is just so exhausting for, then having to go home, deal with my brother and do hause work..Many people tell me, "but your young you shouldn´t be tired or exhausted" but many people don´t know that i have been doing house work ever since i was like 10, looking after my 5 brothers and sisters, making sure things and the hosue were always in order..i´ve been working at the same job for almost 9years..Don´t get me wrong, i am comfortable where i work, i just feel like i need to go some for al least a whole week where i have noone that bothers me, no work, no house cleaning, no cooking, no laundry..some where where i would get attended and served at for one whole week..
Third, the city i am living in is getting worst to live in..people getting shot, getting kiddnapped, people being robbed,,i am so scared of going out of the house, theres not a day that passes by that i don´t pray to god to keeps all safe from all this drug war going on here..i fear for my own life..
Fourth, I miss my younger sibilings, who live in the USA, I wish we were together like old times, but for a reason that i hope some day i´ll know, God has seperated us from each other. I still have that faith and hope that one day we will be together again.
I know i shouldn´t complain, i know that i am so lucky to be alive, believe me, since the day i was born Jan.-09-1985 drs. told my parents i wouldn´t survive, cause i was born premature and had a hole in my heart...at 14yrs of age i was shot in the head and by the grace if God nothing bad happened to me, i was out of the hospital in three days..i know i am so blessed to be here today..i know there are many unfortunte people out there that are in worst conditions..i just feel in times that i am slipping away from my goles in life, from my family..I just Pray each and everyday For GOd to help me in each and every way he can..I know this is a journey he has chosen for me, I just wish i could see way...
on another note..wow..New Kids on The BLock..wow..love their music..gotta admit that when i heard they were getting back together, I was like, why now after so many years..can´t really say i had heard their music before. I was 3 in 1988, and in 1994 i was so hooked on the Backstreet Boys, even though they weren´t so famous just yet, a friend said she heard a group in orlando and that they were cute and good singers..so thats when i fell in love with BSB..i have been a fan since then..i remember my sisters and other friends saying that N´SYNC was better, but till today BSB is still here and are still singing. I am still a huge fan..well getting back on course..i heard that there was a summer tour coming up in 2011 with BSB and NKOTB..and i was shocked..shocked like WOW..i just couldn´t believe it..i starting searching on the web about how it all came together and wow, just makes me wish i still lived in the USA..I also searched NKOTB music and wow, i have fallen in love with the music..and With Jon and DOnnie, wow..if I would of heard their music before, i am sure i would of fallen in live a long time ago. and their music actually makes me fell better, i mean when i feel like crap all i do is i turn my ipod on and listen to their music or i search videos and watch how great they perform and how grateful they are with their fans..how they make people laugh. its great to know that there are people like them out there..just the other day i was not feeling too happy i was anger at certain things and people so then i got on my computer went to my twitter account and saw Donnies twitter post "Today! Is one day- Make it through! Push through! Fight through! Find a way to smile. To laugh. To celebrate. To breathe. To keep on going!
at first i was like, yeah really? smile for what, laugh for what, celebrate what, to breathe and keep going, why, what for..i honestly was just not feeling that post. then i kept going down in all his post and say another one, that i can´t really rememeber how it went, but it was something like you can´t control everything...it took me about 10 minutes to stop being angery and frustrated and just though to myself..he´s right i gotta stop trying to control what happens around me, live today, have fun today, enjoy the moments..so right then that instant i put NKOTB music on and just laid on me bed and just starting thinking in things that i am grateful for..yeah i do have my moments where i just wanna lock myself in a closet and cry to myself..but i shouldn´t and i won´t. I cant let anyone or anything destroy my own happiness..i have put in my goles to one day if God grants me the will, I would love to meet Donnie and of Course the rest of the NKOTB and that him for these words of wisdom..and for his bubbletweets, they sure do make my day..they are so funny. I would love to go someday to a concert and fell like a teenager again.. I wish them the best for all that they do..Love them all..but I am still a huge fan of BSB..
wow i wasn´t thinking of writing too much :) well i am just gonna post this..hoping that tomorrow will be a great day..hoping i don´t stop posting here, just in case somebody does read my blog..see you all later. God bless you all.
One I finally got a boyfriend who I thought was great, who I believed when he told me he loved and wanted to spent the rest of his life right beside me..who i believed when he told me he wanted to start a family together..then one day he sends me a message saying.."i Don´t want to be your boyfriend, sorry if i hurt your feelings, i hope you can forgive me" My heart just sank, i cried when i saw that message, i feel hurt, heart broken, angery..I truly fell for this guy and he just proved to me what i always have though, "men just wanna use you, then throw you awaya like a dirty old rage" Sorry if i offend any one out there, but many men in my life have disappointed me, that includes my father and my brother..
Two, i have had so much work at work..i am so tired of having to in almost everyday a 8am to 7pm shift is just so exhausting for, then having to go home, deal with my brother and do hause work..Many people tell me, "but your young you shouldn´t be tired or exhausted" but many people don´t know that i have been doing house work ever since i was like 10, looking after my 5 brothers and sisters, making sure things and the hosue were always in order..i´ve been working at the same job for almost 9years..Don´t get me wrong, i am comfortable where i work, i just feel like i need to go some for al least a whole week where i have noone that bothers me, no work, no house cleaning, no cooking, no laundry..some where where i would get attended and served at for one whole week..
Third, the city i am living in is getting worst to live in..people getting shot, getting kiddnapped, people being robbed,,i am so scared of going out of the house, theres not a day that passes by that i don´t pray to god to keeps all safe from all this drug war going on here..i fear for my own life..
Fourth, I miss my younger sibilings, who live in the USA, I wish we were together like old times, but for a reason that i hope some day i´ll know, God has seperated us from each other. I still have that faith and hope that one day we will be together again.
I know i shouldn´t complain, i know that i am so lucky to be alive, believe me, since the day i was born Jan.-09-1985 drs. told my parents i wouldn´t survive, cause i was born premature and had a hole in my heart...at 14yrs of age i was shot in the head and by the grace if God nothing bad happened to me, i was out of the hospital in three days..i know i am so blessed to be here today..i know there are many unfortunte people out there that are in worst conditions..i just feel in times that i am slipping away from my goles in life, from my family..I just Pray each and everyday For GOd to help me in each and every way he can..I know this is a journey he has chosen for me, I just wish i could see way...
on another note..wow..New Kids on The BLock..wow..love their music..gotta admit that when i heard they were getting back together, I was like, why now after so many years..can´t really say i had heard their music before. I was 3 in 1988, and in 1994 i was so hooked on the Backstreet Boys, even though they weren´t so famous just yet, a friend said she heard a group in orlando and that they were cute and good singers..so thats when i fell in love with BSB..i have been a fan since then..i remember my sisters and other friends saying that N´SYNC was better, but till today BSB is still here and are still singing. I am still a huge fan..well getting back on course..i heard that there was a summer tour coming up in 2011 with BSB and NKOTB..and i was shocked..shocked like WOW..i just couldn´t believe it..i starting searching on the web about how it all came together and wow, just makes me wish i still lived in the USA..I also searched NKOTB music and wow, i have fallen in love with the music..and With Jon and DOnnie, wow..if I would of heard their music before, i am sure i would of fallen in live a long time ago. and their music actually makes me fell better, i mean when i feel like crap all i do is i turn my ipod on and listen to their music or i search videos and watch how great they perform and how grateful they are with their fans..how they make people laugh. its great to know that there are people like them out there..just the other day i was not feeling too happy i was anger at certain things and people so then i got on my computer went to my twitter account and saw Donnies twitter post "Today! Is one day- Make it through! Push through! Fight through! Find a way to smile. To laugh. To celebrate. To breathe. To keep on going!
at first i was like, yeah really? smile for what, laugh for what, celebrate what, to breathe and keep going, why, what for..i honestly was just not feeling that post. then i kept going down in all his post and say another one, that i can´t really rememeber how it went, but it was something like you can´t control everything...it took me about 10 minutes to stop being angery and frustrated and just though to myself..he´s right i gotta stop trying to control what happens around me, live today, have fun today, enjoy the moments..so right then that instant i put NKOTB music on and just laid on me bed and just starting thinking in things that i am grateful for..yeah i do have my moments where i just wanna lock myself in a closet and cry to myself..but i shouldn´t and i won´t. I cant let anyone or anything destroy my own happiness..i have put in my goles to one day if God grants me the will, I would love to meet Donnie and of Course the rest of the NKOTB and that him for these words of wisdom..and for his bubbletweets, they sure do make my day..they are so funny. I would love to go someday to a concert and fell like a teenager again.. I wish them the best for all that they do..Love them all..but I am still a huge fan of BSB..
wow i wasn´t thinking of writing too much :) well i am just gonna post this..hoping that tomorrow will be a great day..hoping i don´t stop posting here, just in case somebody does read my blog..see you all later. God bless you all.
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