Remember Lizeth!!!

Hello everyone! Hope everything is going well with you all! I'm just here at home just doing nothing pretty much :) Just thinking!!! Last night I was remember my cousin Lizeth. She passed away 44 days ago. I miss her so much, she was barely 20 years old. too young to have left this world. She has a beautiful baby girl, who has been having a very hard time accepting and understanding all this that has happen. She still ask why did God have to take her! Its just breaks my heart. My aunt is so devasted. She hardly ever has a day where she cries, but its good to cry, Right? I just keep them all in my prayers. I remember that we used to get together to go to her house at night and have a few beers and have dinner with her. She always accepted us in her house. Her husband is a great man. Its just hard for him still. They got married very young. She was barely 16 years old. Me well I look at picture of Lizeth and it just brings tears to my eyes, I miss her too damm much. Wish I would of taken more time to go vist her. Man when I saw her in the coffin I just broke down. This has been the first time I have never lost a close family member that I loved so much. I pray that doesn't happen for a very long time. In a way I feel I should of been prepared but how do we prepare for something like this. The doctors had told her she didn't have much time left cause her decease had taken control of all her mayor organs. She was retaining too much water. When I got the news I just cried and prayed for her. Still talking about her brings tears to my eyes. Its too freaking hard to accept. Sometimes I go near her house where she used to live, I sometimes look out the window of the bus, just to check that she is there but then reality hits me and I remember that she is no longer her with us. I have that feeling that maybe she will come knocking at my door to go out like we used to before. But I know thats not gonna happen but its just a feeling that takes over me. Sometimes I tell myself that its all a dream and that she is at her house like any other day, but I also gotta remind myself that she is gonna, that I saw her body in the coffin. I have lots of photo albums and I starting looking through them and I saw pictures of Lizeth when she was smaller, times when we used to go to the family ranch and spent days over there, she was always smiling, almost every photo I got of her she comes out smiling. I miss that. wish I could go back in time and just change things. Help her or do something for her. Sometimes I feeling like I'm losing my faith in God, cause I prayed everyday for her but he didn't heal her, well he healed her in a way we didn't want. I wanted her to stay here with us, for her to be able to see her daughter grow up. To be here and always see her smile. At the same time I know that God is in charge, I Believe that he has certain reason why this things happen. And I gotta learn to maintain my faith in him. I know that through him everything is possible and that one day we will see her again. Well just wanted to share this with you guys. Have an awesome day. God bless you all. Lizeth I love you and miss you too much. RIP cousin!!!

This was one of the last photos taken of her. Here she is with her mother at the family Ranch.

Wednesday October 24 2012

Here I am sitting in my computer desk, waiting for my brother and uncle to get here with some Tacos they were gonna bring like half an hour ago!!!. Its 11:06pm and we are barely gonna eat dinner, well they were busy putting up the wall that divides my brothers room and the store we wanna start. Praying all goes well with this project we have in mind. I've always wanted to start my own business maybe this is the right time to start. Me being fired may have just came in the right time for me to start the business who knows. I have faith in this project we wanna do cause I am so freaking tired of having to work for other people. I wanna have my own business, I wanna be my own boss. I wanna be a bigger person than what my father ever was. I wanna be able to have my own income. Of course i just don't do this because of the money I mean I don't always wanna have to be looking for a job, I wanna secure my future if I ever have kids I wanna have a future that they can lean on. Of course I know it won't be easy getting started but I have faith we can do this. I really want this to happen. Just about three weeks ago I got to talk with my cousin Jason over the phone. Man it felt great talking to him. I said I was gonna call him the following Sunday but I just haven't found the time to do so. I am hoping I can call him this Sunday. I miss him alot. I miss everyone from over there. Wish things never had gone the way they did. I wonder if maybe I would be a different person if I was still living over there. Would I be married, would I have children. would I have an education??? Too many questions... I miss my brother and my sister. Man I am an Aunt and I haven't gotten to meet my nieces or nephews. That really sucks. I miss Mariann my step mother. She may have been mean but she was there she is a mother to me. She is a great person. a strong person. Raising the kids and going through what she went through just makes me wanna be like her. I just hope she knows that I love her and she means a lot to me. Maybe someday we get the chance to talk to each other. I know that the family here in Mexico hates her, but I don't.I pray for her everyday. I miss those days, going to the beach, going fishing. I still remember our last vacations we took to San Antonio. I loved that trip. its was an unforgettable trip. Well I gotta go cause the tacos are finally here...see you all later...God bless you all. Goodnight

Photos!!!

Here are some picture I have taken this month and last month :) This here is my cousins son, he has grown so much!!!

This little guy turned one on Sept- 18-2012 Happy Bday Joel!!

With his momma!!

Getting on top on the cake... he really wanted that cake :)

With his grandpa, showing how many years he is now :)

This here is Lizeth Alejandra, she is my cousins Liz baby girl! Just wish her mother was here to see her. I miss you lizeth.

This here is Mario Alexander, my cousins Marios baby boy. We finally got to meet. He is about to become a big brother. Hopefully i get some photos her :)

Joels feet couldn't reach :)

Nelson being a little goofy!

Lizeth's 4th birthday. Wish her momma was here to see her :(

Lizeth with her grandparents. They were sad cause their daughter couldn't be there to see her baby girl turn 4 years old!

Wow Somebody got lots of cash on her bday :)

My aunt with her first grandson, Joel :)

My aunt with her son!! Well thats all the photos for today!! Love you all take care!!

Rough three weeks

Well hello everyone! Its been three weeks since i last had a job! Its freaking hard to get a new job, specially when the holidays are getting closer! I have no money with me, cause me idiot ex-boss still hasn't paid me. I called him up yesterday and he said I should have the check by the end of the week! It better be true cause I earned that money in 10 years of work!! My brother has this idea of starting our own business, now that we both know alot about how to mange a hardware store. So we are gonna give that a shot and see how things turn out! We will be needing lots of prayer and patience with all this. I love my brother, he told me it wasn't necessary for me to find a job so soon. to take some time off and just rest after 10 years of working. So he is paying all the bills for us, now that we live together, he just asks for me to have lunch made, have his cloths clean and to clean up the house. I love that, but I am used to having a job, I am used to having my own money. I told him i need a job and he just tells me to wait. I have put in so many applications but all the business say that I should wait till the year is over cause thats when they start hiring new workers. My father hasn't called or texted me in wow I can't even remember when, well he texted me when my cousin passed away but just to tell me he could make it to the funereal. He does know I am without a job cause my grandmother told me she called him and told him, but its like if he doesn't even care, its like if we don't exist to him. Well thats i feel in times well all the time. I haven't had a beer wow in such a long time. I know its been more than a month without a beer. Even though i do have that desire to go out and drink but the only thing stopping me is not having any money. :) Even if I start drinking whenever I have money, i am gonna take it very slow in the drinking. I actually feel great not being hungover, I know my health has improved since i haven't drunken any alcohol. This past three weeks that i am without a job and money ha really help me see who really is a friend and who really are my family members. Most of the family has only asked about the money i am getting from being laid off. they don't really say "things will be ok or something will come up or if you need anything call us" and people who i considered my friends have disappeared, no more phone calls to parties or trips. I know one person who will never forget about and thats God! I know he is always with me and all this is happening for a reason. Sometimes i wish God would just come and explain to me all the events I've been through. As much as i hate them, i need to learn to accept them too. 14 years ago was when everything changed for me. My father ended up in jail, moving from the only place i consider home to a total different country. From one family to another family who i even didn't know. Getting accidently shot in the head, which i still got the bullet in my head and i am so Thankful that God didn't let it get any further than where it stopped. Those are some of the events that mostly made a huge change in my life. There are others but these are the ones that i wish i could get an explanation for. But i trust God!! Maybe some day he will explain to me or maybe its just not meant to be explained. I trust you Lord with everything I just ask for you to give patience to accept all this and to guide me to whatever you have prepared for me! Well i am gonna go for today. Hoping i blog more often now that i got free time in my hands :) Love you. Thank you for taking your time to read this!! God bless you all!

Bummed!!!

Wow, just hen I thought things were starting to go well life just throws back to the ground..So today I get a phone call from my Grandma saying she has made lunch for my brother and I to go pick it up at lunch time. Si we go say Hi eat lunch with her, then she says our father is coming home soon that he needs a place to stay and needs some medication because he is sick from his eyes. Which pisses me off cause he hasn't been there for us for the past 15 years!!!! I mean come on, when he needs our help has the right to ask for it.. So we just agreed that we will accept him but we may have fights once in a while. This whole time I was saying to myself well at least I'll be at work all day, won't have to see him till I'm off work at 6pm. So i accepted that and just went off to work.. Then we get to work, things were going great and then the boss gets there and sits down next to the desk and just starts explaining how one of his businesses is going down the drain, that he had to fire some other employees and that he has come to a decision that makes him feel really bad. That he has to fire me.....FIRE ME!!!! Come on I didn't need this today... I've been there for almost 10 years, in November would of been my tenth year there. His eyes got al watery, so did mine cause he could of at least done this after work.. He said he is getting out a loan to pay what I deserve for all the time I have been working there. I asked him why me, he said that he pays me more than everyone else and cause he needs to financially support his family plus his own sister, cause her husband doesn't have a good job. That she has gone to him for help. and he told her that she has to work in order for him to give her money, so she is gonna take my place at work. Which I still have to go this week to teach her everything I do there. Yeah like in one week I am gonna teach her everything..O well that's their problem. I just want my money for all the years I have been working there. It also makes me sad, cause I mean 10 years, I started working there when i was 17 years old. I didn't know anything when I first started, now i practically run the whole business, i do everything for him, all the bank related things, the accountability, the taxes, everything, i remember the times he told me he didn't know what he would do without me :( ... It also made me sad cause he was crying when he told me he had to fire me. He's a great boss, i don't think I'll ever find another boss like him. I will forever be thankful for the opportunity he gave me of working there. For all the great memories I made there. All the parties. He became another family member to me. But somethings have to come to an end. unfortunately today was that day. I'm just worried about everything else, I'm grateful I don't have kids to maintain, just this problem with my dad. Lucky for me my brother still has a job (Fingers crossed he doesn't get fired too) I also got my credit cards to pay, and other credits. that To be honest I have no idea how I'm gonna do it until I find a job, that's if i find a job. I just can't stop crying right now :( Well I'm out of here. Just please keep me in your prayers! PLEASE!