Forgot to mention some great news!!!!

So its been 15 years since i last talked to my step mother, who to me is my mother. We were seperated 15 years ago due to family issues. But through facebook we finally got in touch. I missed her so much. and i am very thankful to God for putting her back into my life. I love her and miss her so very much, so much has happened in the past 15 years.

so, i am gonna leave you guys some photos of me, the family, mom.. hope you guys enjoy!

Joel taking Yael for a ride!!

My big brother, on his birthday last year!!

Joel, i love this little man

My mother and sister

Grandma! So dearly missed every day

She loved all her grandchildren and great grandchildren

Grandma and her brother!!! Hope my brother and i get to take a photo many years from now just like this one!!

Joel, came by the house to vist and watch Peppa Pig

ME!!

ME again

Yael, what a blessing it is to be around this little man

ME with new hair make over :)

Grandma!!! 

its been so long!!!!

Wow, its been a while i haven´t written. Since grandma passed away i have changed a lot. Its a bad thing cause i have drank a bit more then what i used to. I am still depressed about he passing away. its just hard for me to accept it. But i know God had his reasons why he decided to take her from us.

Recently i met man who changed my life around, felt good, happy. He got me to dress better and even got me a new hair look. which i absolutly love. I had a great time each time we were together, unfortunantly his ex girlfriend is back in the picture and well he has pushed me aside and has asked me to forget about him. i have been crying everyday since then. i hate him for doing that but i love him for making me feel special. its just too hard for me to just accept that he has no feelings for me. o well just gotten learn to pick my head up and move forward, show him that i don´t need him in my life. i have to move forward for my own sake. I will always wish him the best, even if he hates me.

2 months ago Aunt Carmen passed away, another hard death in the family. This year hasn´t been a good year for us.

I still live with my brother which i wanna change wanna have my own place with him bothering me :) i love him, but come on 29 years together is already too much for me. i wanna try being alone for once, i wanna try to feel what it feels to not have to worry about him so much. maybe one day i´ll get the courage to do it.

Dad well we still don´t have that father daughter relationship that grandma would of loved us to have, but that is entirely his fault.

well its shower time for me.Hope to write more often!! I should write more often!!!.

love you all God bless you all!!!

Grandma is gone

I am so sorry for not updating like i had said i would, things have been crazy me. So here goes the bad news. Grandma passed away on the 9th of March 2013 around 5:30pm.

She survived one more month than what the drs had told us she would survive. She had many issuses regarding her health after her first surgery, for those who don´t know, grandma was diagnosed with a tumor, not sure the name of the tumor, but it invaded her stomach, her throat and part of her lungs, drs had to do surgery on the 6th of February to remove the tumor but also had to remove her whole stomach, the surgery last 7 hours, which is weird cause drs had told us the surgery would last 2 to 4 hours, we  were not given an explanation for why the surgery took so long. The next day after her surgery she was very bad, she was saying she was ready to go with God, that she knew her time has come, she was in a lot of pain and for some reason she said one nurse tried to kill her, we were not given an explation on way she was saying that. On the 26th of February she had a second surgery cause she wasn´t healing and something had detached from inside her body, she got a bit better after her surgey, she devoleped diabetes and her body wouldn´t heal properly, where she had her surgery a whole was forming. On the 6th of March she had a 3rd surgery to clean out and reattach another part of her body. Unfortunantly she didn´t get any better. On Saturday i was planning on going to vist her again on Sunday, my only day off, but on Saturday we got news that she was entubated, that drs weren´t letting anyone but her children in to see her, she survived the night. on Sunday she was still weak, but they were able to take out her breathing tube, but as the day went on she had three heart attaks, little by little she was leaving us, at around 5pm she asked to see my aunt Lorena, grandma asked her to sing her some church songs that she loved then after she sang to her, grandma asked her to make a prayer turning her over to our lord Jesus Christ, during the prayer grandma lifted her arms and slowing was fading away, seconds after my aunt finished the prayer grandma just closed her eyes and thats when she left us. She went home before any of us, she was no longer in pain. I was constantly getting updates from my cousin Lety, the last update was "shes died" i broke down to tears, she was a mother to me, she took care of us when niether our mother or father were around.

Her body arrived at the funreal home at around 3:30am. Some of us were already there before she arrived, she looked so precious and peaceful, i cried alot cause she was gone, some of us spent all night there with here, the next morning, we were still there, many many people went to give us their condolences, at 2:00pm on Monday 10th of March, Brother Samuel said some beautiful words, we sang some worship songs specially the ones grandma love, while we sung, my cousin Brenda and i were right next to grandma. At 3:00pm, her coffin was closed to transporte her to her spot of rest, it is about and hour away from the city. its the same place grandpa (grandmas husband) was barried. on our way there, i was asking God to show me that she is alright. Its was raining, but when we arrived to the location the rain stopped for a while and a rainbow came out and a flock of birds were flying above. The sun came out when her coffin was reopened for us to give our last goodbyes, beautiful words were said, scriptures were read and worship songs were sung. The sun coming out, the rain stopping, the brids flying and the rainbow coming out, were like a message from God answering my prayers that she is alright. I have my faith and trust in God. I feel grandma is with God, looking after us!

Its been almost two weeks and it still hurts to know i can no longer see her, talk to her or hug her!. I am grateful to know that i got my chance to tell her that i love her, to thank her for everything she did and thought us!

I pray for Gods help and guidence to get through everyday issuses and saddnes. I know only with God i will be able to get through anything that is sent my way.

I love you all, and thank you for taking the time to read. God bless you all. Here i leave you with my favorite photo of grandma.

Her smile is so amazing!! I miss it!!

Her garden of flowers she loved it so much

Sad & Hard Days

Wow, so where to begin. I´m sorry I haven´t been posting like I said i would its been a very rough week this week.

On Wednesday my grandmother went to hospital to have a tumor removed near her stomach, her surgery was schedule for Thursday at 4:00pm. So we all waited patiently until the hour came. The Surgen told our Aunt that was with grandma at the hospital, that the surgery will take between 4 to 5 hours. So she went into surgery feel find, she same out of surgery at around 9:00pm, the surgens told our aunt that they had to remove the whole stomach cuase it was infected with the tumor, they also discovered that the tumor has also afected her lungs. During the night while she was resting Grandma got really bad, she couldn´t breathe. she was in a lot of pain, Drs weren´t giving her much hope, she was asking for all her children cause she was ready to leave and she wanted to see them once more, so all her children left the next morning, Friday, to the hospital, she saw each one of them and got her chance to ask forgiveness, give advice and say goodbye.. She kept getting worse every minute, every hour. On Saturday she was still very ill, in much pain, she couldn´t open her eyes or speak. Many family members showed up at the hospital to see her and pray for everyone. I was at work, just getting updates on grandma feeling useless and sad. On Saturday someone gave us the news that she was doing better and that she was talking and her eyes where opened. Which gave us a liitle fired candled, just a little light that shined was so rewarding. So on Sunday, I went to vist grandma with an uncle and his family. I went in to see her and i just cried silently, i never wantd to see her like that, i never wanted that image of her just lying there in pain. She was all swollen and yellow. I told her who i was cause her eyes were closed, she open them just for a tiny second to see me, i told her how much i love her and how much i am grateful for her love. She just silently answeres back that she loves me too.  I was there for just about 5 minutes cause we had to give chance for everyone else to go in to see her, i told her i was living and that we are all waiting for her to come home. She just gave me her blessing . Then after we all got to see her we went to have some lunch, on the way back to the parking lot dad pulled me aside and told me that grandma got worst, that only one lung is working and that she is having diffuclties breathing. He said that the drs still don´t give her much hope. So we all cried and silently prayed for healing. So the next few hours we were just outside waiting for more news and hoping she would get better. We left around 5 or 6pm to head back home. I got home, showered, drank some tea and took an asprin for my headache and feel asleep. So today Monday, i woke up to the news that she has gotten worst, that her organs are failing. Dad says its just hours until she leaves us. He is heading back to hospital with more family members to see her again. I told wanna see her again like that. So i stayed behind along with my brother and other cousins trying to keep ourselfs busy to let time pass hoping for a miracle. .... Just got a phone call from my cousin, grandma is worst, she is asking for Aunts and Unlces to say goodbye, she says she is ready to leave...It makes me angry that she is in a lot of pain. I never imagened to see her like that. 

I know i am being selfish asking God to leave he here with us. But at the same time i know that if  God takes her she won´t be in pain anymore!!! 

Well, i´ll try to keep you all updated. Many prayers for our family, specially grandma!!!! God bless you all!!

These next photos are of my grandmother Celia, these are just a few of many photos of her.