I am not a good blogger.. Today i spent most of the day remembering family. My family, my Brother and sisters. I miss them so much, 14 years of not seeing each is way too long..I have 3 sisters and two bothers, my older brother lives here with me, but the rest of my siblings live in Texas.
I remember when we were younger, we used to fight a lot, for some reason i felt ignored, frustrated, angry.. one of my sisters and i were mostly mad with each other all the time, she is actually my step-sister but i consider her as my blood, i didn´t understand back then why we were always angry at each other, but as i have gotten older and seen life clearly, i have understood all that.. wish i could go back in time and change things. if i could of done something to help her and me too, to have a better relation. to both of my step sisters i know i didn´t treat well i really wish i could take it all back. My baby sister last time i say her she was 5 and now she is 18, my younger brother is 21.. i have missed out on 14 years of their lifes and i true hate myself for that.. i know its not my fault, certain things happened in our lifes that got us separated. I miss them so very much..
We have some communication, we check up on each other on Facebook. but its just not the same, i wanna go and hug them and tell them face to face how sorry i am for everything, tell them that i love them so very much.. I know that life wasn´t easy for them, but see them the way they are living makes me happy that they have moved on with their life, my two step sisters have kids and that is so great.. i thank God so very much everyday for keeping them safe and helping them in every way.
One of my sisters asked when we are going, i don´t know when we are going, wish it was easier and cheaper to get the passports and visa. I don´t make a great income where i can just say i am gonna try.. i have heard of so many people get the passport and waste hundreds of dollars to get the visa but then the government denies them the visa, i honestly can´t afford too lose money just like that. But i have to give it a try.. i promise myself that i will go and try to get the passport and my visa, i wanna see them i need to see them. we grew up together and to me they will always be my family.
This is one of my sisters and her two baby girls.
This is my other sister her boys are in the bottom pic
My younger brother
My little sister
Last time we all saw each other was 14 years ago. Praying that soon we see each. Love you all.
Its 10:04
As I go through all kinds of feelings and experiences in my journey through life -- delight, surprise, chagrin, dismay -- I hold this question as a guiding light: "What do I really need right now to be happy?" What I come to over and over again is that only qualities as vast and deep as love, connection and kindness will really make me happy in any sort of enduring way. - Sharon Salzberg
Friday, October 14, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Update :)
Sorry I haven´t blogged..i´ve just been lazy :)tons of things have happen..well let me start with the best thing thats has happened to me lately on Sept.-28-2011 Donnie Wahlberg Humped me, he sent me a Hump.. i almost had a heart attack, i couldn´t believe it. I had a Huge smile on my face that day and the next few days :)And on Oct-01-2011 he tweeted me about a drawing that a Friend Fernanda drew of him and his son.. I told Fernanda that i would be sending the drawing until he sees it and i did..he finally saw it and he liked it. Hopefully one day I get to meet him. Lots of people have told me that he is a great person to be meet. I pray one day that one day I will meet him.
Other news, my cousin Liz is very sick, she needs new kidneys, she is getting dialysis everyday. She acts normal, she doesn´t take care of herself, which is frustrating for me, cause she has an Almost 3 year old baby girl that needs her to be here for her. I feel like hitting her in the head and yelling at her, but its not my place to talk to her like that, hopefully she understands her condition and starts to take better care of herself. Tia Lucy, her mom, doesn´t wanna donate cause she is afraid of the surgery going bad, she has had already two surgery's and she has gotten critical after both surgery´s so she doesn´t want to have another surgery.. I feel angry at that decision cause its her daughter who is dying and she doesn´t wanna help her. Damn i would risk my own life for a child of mind. I don´t have any kids but i know i would risk my life to save my child. All i can do is pray for my cousin.
My Aunt Carmela is doing OK considering her condition. she is also getting dialysis done i don´t know how often she gets it done. She hasn´t gotten worst which i guess is a good thing but she hasn´t gotten any better. The same goes for her, all i can do is pray for her.
Things at work have been ok, just my idiot ex who i can´t stand to look at him, much less hear his voice. but i gotta move forward and not look back. he is my ex for a reason and it has to stay like that. Its hard but i gotta do it. Wish him the best of luck with what ever he does with his life..
Violence here has been so, so.. no gun shots have been heard in about 3 weeks, but kidnappings have been various in out town... well i really don´t wanna talk about that.. Praying to God that Someday all this ends and we can live like before, in peace, without any worries.
In other news, I have been drinking way too much lately, I need to slow it down.. I know i haven´t been feel good, it do to all the beer i drink. And what it does to my pocket.. damn in one night i wastes like 1200 pesos, thats about 120 or 130 dollars :( i haven´t been able to recuperate that money, well i know i will never recuperate the money..so i need to slow down on the drinking.
My father finally decided to call, just to say he wanted to vist but didn´t come cause he has no money.. typical of him, he left to go to work and send money to start building our home and he hasn´t sent crap.. o well i´m used to him always letting me down. I´ve learned to just look out for myself.
Other then that i guess thats all...o wait my Cousin lety had her baby.. His name is Joel :)He was born Sept 18-2011
Its 10:06 pm
Other news, my cousin Liz is very sick, she needs new kidneys, she is getting dialysis everyday. She acts normal, she doesn´t take care of herself, which is frustrating for me, cause she has an Almost 3 year old baby girl that needs her to be here for her. I feel like hitting her in the head and yelling at her, but its not my place to talk to her like that, hopefully she understands her condition and starts to take better care of herself. Tia Lucy, her mom, doesn´t wanna donate cause she is afraid of the surgery going bad, she has had already two surgery's and she has gotten critical after both surgery´s so she doesn´t want to have another surgery.. I feel angry at that decision cause its her daughter who is dying and she doesn´t wanna help her. Damn i would risk my own life for a child of mind. I don´t have any kids but i know i would risk my life to save my child. All i can do is pray for my cousin.
My Aunt Carmela is doing OK considering her condition. she is also getting dialysis done i don´t know how often she gets it done. She hasn´t gotten worst which i guess is a good thing but she hasn´t gotten any better. The same goes for her, all i can do is pray for her.
Things at work have been ok, just my idiot ex who i can´t stand to look at him, much less hear his voice. but i gotta move forward and not look back. he is my ex for a reason and it has to stay like that. Its hard but i gotta do it. Wish him the best of luck with what ever he does with his life..
Violence here has been so, so.. no gun shots have been heard in about 3 weeks, but kidnappings have been various in out town... well i really don´t wanna talk about that.. Praying to God that Someday all this ends and we can live like before, in peace, without any worries.
In other news, I have been drinking way too much lately, I need to slow it down.. I know i haven´t been feel good, it do to all the beer i drink. And what it does to my pocket.. damn in one night i wastes like 1200 pesos, thats about 120 or 130 dollars :( i haven´t been able to recuperate that money, well i know i will never recuperate the money..so i need to slow down on the drinking.
My father finally decided to call, just to say he wanted to vist but didn´t come cause he has no money.. typical of him, he left to go to work and send money to start building our home and he hasn´t sent crap.. o well i´m used to him always letting me down. I´ve learned to just look out for myself.
Other then that i guess thats all...o wait my Cousin lety had her baby.. His name is Joel :)He was born Sept 18-2011
Its 10:06 pm
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